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Here's a list of math jokes. They are compiled from various sources.

- What is green and homeomophic to the open unit interval?

the real lime - What is the contour integral around Africa?

zero, all the Poles are in Europe - What couldn't the Möbius strip enroll at Caltech?

because we require freshman orientation - Why did SO(3) leave Caltech after one week?

because it can only do rotation - What do you call a young eigensheep?

a lamb, duh! - What is hallucinogenic and exists for every group with order divisible by p^k?

a psilocybin p-subgroup - What's yellow, linear, normed, and complete?

a Bananach space - What do you call the category of Banach Analytical Manifolds?

BanAnaMan - What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

Zorn's lemming or the Well-Ottering principle. They're equivalent in the ZF Sea. - What tastes like oranges and is differentiable in the whole complex plane?

a clementire - Who knows everything there is to be known about vector analysis?

the oracle of del phi - What do you call a function with a negative derivative, that makes things cleaner?

Degreasing - What is black and white ivory and fills space?

Piano curve - Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"?

because he left a residue on every pole - Why did the Klein bottle's relative start taking off its clothes?

it was a Möbius stripper - Or, what doesn't have an orientation and likes taking off its clothes?

a Möbius stripper - Why do Maclaurin polynomials fit the original function so well?

because they are Taylor made - Why didn't Newton discover group theory?

because he wasn't Abel - Why can't you grow corn in Z/6Z?

because it's not a field! - Follow-up: Why can't you grow corn in Z/5Z?

because it's an abstract mathematical object - Follow-up: I hear Grothendieck once grew corn in Z/57Z, although he had to devise a clever scheme first.
- Follow-up: And you can't grown corn in Z/7Z either, because we grew corn in it last year, so you have to rotate the crops and grow soybeans this year.
- What is often used by Canadians to help solve certain differential equations?

a lacross transform - What did the calculus instructor say to his hungover student?

Know your limits, and Don't drink and derive. - Why did the mathematician put his null space in the microwave?

to make popcorn! (kernels are hard to eat) - What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

You can't cross a vector with a scalar. - What do you get if you cross a rat with a mosquito?

|rat|*|mosquito|*sin(theta)*unit vector - Why did the polynomial plant (whose zeros all had zero real part) wilt?

its roots were imaginary - Which family of functions \N->\N is the most excited?

multifactorials!!!!!!!!!!!! - Which big cat is good at linearly approximating a differentiable function?

a tangent lion or a straight lion - What do you call a destroyed angle that kinda looks like an equiangular quadrilateral?

a rektangle - What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick in calculus?

It went to the L'Hôpital. - What's purple and commutes?

An Abelian grape. - What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?

A simple grape, it has no normal subgrapes. - What is lavender and commutes?

An Abelian semigrape. - What's purple, commutes, and is worshipped by a limited number of people?

A finitely-venerated Abelian grape. - What's purple, round, and doesn't get much for Christmas?

A finitely presented grape. - Why was 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 8 9 - Follow-up: Why was 7 afraid of 8?

induction - Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?

because 5 8 13 - What kind of map would you take with you on car trips?

automorphisms - What is an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski... - What is an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

Ransack habit - Why did the matrix finally become identical to her conjugate transpose?

it was her mission - What does the little mermaid wear?

an algae-bra - What is an owl's favorite kind of math?

owl-gebra - Why are math books often sad?

they have lots of problems - Or, why are math books so swoll?

they get lots of exercises - What do you call an angle that is adorable?

acute angle - What is polite and works for the phone company?

a deferential operator - Follow-up: What fakes politeness and works for the phone company?

a pseudo-deferential operator - What do analysts and number theorists throw into the fireplace? (really any mathematician does this, but computer scientists and chemists do not)

natural logs - Why do analyists and number theorists like parks?

Because of all the natural logs. - What do you call a ring theorist's parrot when it hasn't been fed?

poly-"no meal" - Why is it hard to grow large-sized corn in an injective map?

the kernels are small - What does the "B" in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoit B Mandelbrot - How did the matrix whose eigenvalues summed to zero disappear?

It vanished without a trace. - What do you call small, shiny disks which are made with precision?

Exact sequins - What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they get, the more spaced out they get. - Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference. - Why did Emil Artin's necklace keep falling off?

It had a descending chain condition. - What do you call a lot of money that commutes?

A-belian dollars. - At Christmas time, how do you perform the inverse operation to exponentiation?

Yule log. - What do group theorists hang on their door at Christmas?

Wreath products. - What is yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

Zorn's lemmon. - What is woolly, spits, and is equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?

Zorn's llama. - Why do nurses use 1-to-1 functions so much?

Injections. - Why was Gollum obsessed with Z/6Z?

- Why are algebraic geometers always coming up with evil plans?

They really like schemes. - What is a pirate's favorite field?

R or C. - What is a pirate's favorite measure on a locally compact topological group?

Haaaarrrrrr measure. - Where do you grow degree two polynomials?

In quadratic fields on quadratic farms. - What do you call a banana with a hole in the middle?

A bananulus. - What transform do you apply to turn a sphynx cat into a Norwegian forest cat?

The furrier transform. - How do algebraists actually eat their corn?

By modding out the kernels. - What is the best response to a harmonic analysis joke?

Hardy Haar Haar. - How do algebraic topologists remodel their porch?

With deck transformations. - What did the topologist say when s/he wanted to stop playing their hand in poker?

man-i-fold. - How do linear algebraists settle arguments about matrix transposes?

With a dual.

- What did the geometer studying k^n say when asked about their career?

It's affine job! (k^n is affine n-space over the field k) - Which LaTeX package should you avoid when you go hiking?

Tikz

#8 - A. Anderson

#9 nonstandard answers - A. Penak, M. Wheeler

#12, 21, 58, 72, 73, 74, 79, 80 - M. Weidner

#22 - A. Penak

#25 - C. Dosen

#43 - J. Stark

#57 - idea from K. Siva

#67, 68 - M. Greenfield

#71 - http://www.math.utoronto.ca/ashao/

#75 - T. Shin

#76, 77 - https://www.ma.utexas.edu/users/a.debray/puns.html

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